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| An orchid my mother-in law has kept looking gorgeous for a year! She was very proud and kept saying, “I guess I’m an orchid grower!” |
We went to visit my Mother-in-law in Florida last week. She is dying from lung cancer that has spread to her brain. She has been ill for several years, but this visit felt like we were saying goodbye for the last time. Hospice was called in the day we got there and she is getting more confused and having trouble walking.
There were so many complicated and confusing feelings throughout the whole trip that it was really a challenge and much harder than I thought it would be. The trip I had imagined, filled with re-connecting, writing out final wishes and making a memory book wasn’t the trip that we had. We spent most our time trying to get through daily tasks of meds, foods, unwinding the oxygen tubing, bathroom trips and back to meds that I felt scattered and sad, but also confused – partly because of my Mother-in-law’s confusion and partly because I wanted so much for everything to be done “right” for her and for my children but as the days went by-I didn’t know what that meant.
How do you say goodbye to someone who doesn’t really seem to know they are dying?
How do you help your children connect in spite of the tangle of oxygen cords and meds and trips to the bathroom when we grownups could hardly keep up?
My husband was able to handle it better than me, maybe because he had different expectations? Maybe because it’s his mom, but he did a beautiful job being present for her and making her whatever food she requested: chicken wings, steak, baked potatoes, pancakes, bacon and the constant cup of tea. He sat with her and watched wheel of fortune and listened to her tell detailed stories about neighbors from long ago.
I was very thankful I had tossed my bag of random essential oils and some jojoba carrier oil in my checked baggage. I used them to help me feel calm and grounded. I sprinkled some Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia) and grapefruit (Citrus × paradisi) on a washcloth and laid it by my pillow, which relaxed and refreshed me every night when I lay down.
I gargled with Palmarosa (Cymbopogon martinii) when I worried I had a sore throat that would turn into something more (and it worked. I stayed healthy!) (Palmarosa is one of the few oils you can put in your mouth. You drop just a few drops in a glass of warm/hot water, stir around and then gargle for 5-10 seconds and then spit it out. It tastes like perfume and is sort of terrible but it really works to keep illness at bay!)
My Mother-in-law loved her Focus spray (Lemon, Himalayan Cedarwood and Vetiver in spring water) sprayed on her face and it was something that my daughter could do with her. It relaxed her and she enjoyed it.
I used my jojoba oil to dilute Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia) and Peppermint in a massage oil to dispel a headache and help with sore muscles from sleeping weird on the flights down.
I added some extra Lavender to my travel sized Dr Bronner’s Lavender travel sized liquid soap and every time I washed my hands and enjoyed the scent.
I put undiluted Lavender oil on my sunburn (I got a nasty stripe of sunburn pain between my fitbit and watch where I apparently didn’t get any sunscreen.) (Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia) is one of the few oils you can put directly on your skin without being diluted and it is great for helping burns heal quicker and with less pain and scarring.)
I also used my Peppermint and my Green Mandarin roll-ons (whichever I could grab fastest from my purse!) when we were stuck behind a stinky truck on the traffic-filled roads to dispel my nausea.
And, after my Mother-in-law fell getting up the night before, I used Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia) in some Olive oil to massage her sore knee and relax her as we were getting ready to go. (I had packed my jojoba already and Olive oil works well, too.)
My husband then used some of the Lavender and olive oil to massage her shaky hands, and remind her that her father used to massage her hands. He told her how her father would do it in the morning to wake her up for secretarial school when her hands were tired from typing all day the previous day. She remembered and said how good it felt.
It was a beautiful moment of many different moments in a challenging trip. I was glad to have the oils there to help.
(I’m thinking of making up a travel/emergency kit of essential oils. Let me know if you’d be interested in having one of your own.)
Best to you and yours,
xoxo
Katherine
Thanks so much for reading! If you have any questions or would like to book an appoinment, just send me an email at
crowladyhealing@gmail.com or give me a call (413-325-4529)
